Though we do not dwell on it, the possibility becoming a widow is in the back of our minds if we are married, and surfaces now and then in our Senior years. And now it has happened to me. When it happens, it really does change absolutely everything, literally and because our perspective on life drastically changes. The former life is finished, and we have to learn to live a new life.
During the first week of August, my precious and beloved husband of 38 years passed away next to me somewhere between the time we went to bed at midnight and the time I got up during the night at about 3 am. The last sound I heard from him was laughter as we joked about something before going to sleep, and we had just finished a nice Saturday together. The weather had been beautiful, he spent time weed whacking with his new weed whacker, and we sat together on our deck overlooking the lake. It had been a beautiful, peaceful day. My husband had just turned 64 a few weeks before, but he had Diabetes and had had 2 heart attacks in the past 10 years and a few cardiac procedures. We were ready to embark on yet another good nutrition program come September, I worked hard on and off over the years to keep him healthy, as much as I could manage and he would allow. There was a big part of me that expected that something like this would happen, but it was a huge blow and shock when it actually did. I immediately called the local police and my brother who lives nearby, and of course my children, all came within the hour, and the rest is somewhat of a blur. We had a beautiful Memorial Service the Friday after. Many came, and our Pastor put together such a nice and meaningful program.
During the first two weeks, there was a constant flow of visitors, cards, and meals. After two weeks my daughter, sister and son took turns staying with me most nights of the week and there were some visits from friends. This went on until recently, now the overnight stays are occasional, and I am experiencing the many things that when combined make up the grieving process. How I would like to be done with the extreme pain and heartache that comes with such a loss, but my friends who have made this journey before me tell me that it takes time.
It took me a while to decide whether or not to post this on my blog, but then I thought my readers are mature adults like I am, and some may find my sharing on this topic helpful. Though I will continue with the lighter themes and topics we have started, I do want to spend some time sharing my grief and widowhood journey just for those who may be helped by it. The photo was taken a few years ago on a vacation in Maine....we always vacationed in September. Oh how I miss this man.